Author: David Bradley

The sleet that rained like chatting lizards

I asked a “plot generator” website to come up with a story based on a couple of dozen words I input. This is what it came up with:

The sleet that rained like chatting lizards

Matt Trescothik was thinking about Jenny Slaughden again. Jenny was a kind juggler with dirty lips and ugly arms. Matt walked over to the window and reflected on his picturesque surroundings. He had always hated damp Wivenhoe with its energetic, excited estuaries. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel puzzled.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a kind figure of Jenny Slaughden. Matt gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a deranged, splendid, wine drinker with hairy lips and ample arms. His friends saw him as a bulbous, bewildered brute. Once, he had even rescued a silent old man from a burning building.

But not even a deranged person who had once rescued a silent old man from a burning building, was prepared for what Jenny had in store today.

The sleet rained like chatting lizards, making Matt unstable. Matt grabbed a cursed hat that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers. As Matt stepped outside and Jenny came closer, he could see the good smile on her face. Jenny gazed with the affection of 5729 intelligent damaged dogs. She said, in hushed tones, “I love you and I want work.”

Matt looked back, even more unstable and still fingering the cursed hat. “Jenny, I like your toes,” he replied. They looked at each other with ambivalent feelings, like two mighty, magnificent mice rampaging at a very greedy accident, which had jazz music playing in the background and two bold uncles sitting to the beat.

Matt studied Jenny’s dirty lips and ugly arms. Eventually, he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” began Matt in apologetic tones, “but I don’t feel the same way, and I never will. I just don’t love you Jenny.” Jenny looked barmy, her emotions raw like a grisly, gloopy guitar.

Matt could actually hear Jenny’s emotions shatter into 5009 pieces. Then the kind juggler hurried away into the distance. Not even a glass of wine would calm Matt’s nerves tonight.

THE END

The site also generates reviews (auto praise) of your “story”

“I feel like I know Matt Trescothik. In a way, it feels as though I’ve always known him.” — The Daily Tale
“About as enjoyable as being hailed on whilst taking in washing that has been targeted by seagulls with the squits.” — Enid Kibbler
“Saying the sleet rained like chatting lizards is just the kind of literary device that makes this brilliant.” — Hit the Spoof
“I could do better.” — Zob Gloop

 

The Feral Crocus

My very good friend, photographer Diana Sanders took a lovely shot of a yellow crocus growing wild near her home. She posted the photo to acclaim on her Facebook describing it as:

Like a candle flame amongst the dead leaves. If we get any more hard frosts it won't look so cheerful, though.
The Feral Crocus (Photo by Diana Sanders)

It triggered me to write a short poem:

The Feral Crocus

A feral crocus nestles among the long-dead leaves
A glimmer of hope, a tiny, shining candle of life
Its flame burns bright among those oaken thieves
Their dew can’t steal this golden light

But Arctic winds might rustle those chilling leaves
And times are hard and so could be the frost
The dew that’s stilled will begin to freeze
And snuff that flame then forever lost

Still, there is hope as it is overcast
The cloud-filled skies blanket all below
The bloom won’t face an icy blast
And tomorrow, we can bask in that feral crocus glow

Chinese Water Deer

The Chinese Water Deer (Hydropotes inermis inermis) is not a species native to the UK as its name might suggest. It’s an Asian species related to the Korean Water Deer (Hydropotes inermis argyropus). There are numerous CWDs in England that are descended from escapees from Whispnade Zoo in the 1920s.

I saw a couple of them on the recently opened new section of RSPB Ouse Fen this morning. Coincidentally, the deer was mentioned on the BBC’s One Show on 31st January. The genus name Hydropotes derives from the Greek meaning “water drinker”. The inermis component of the scientific name comes from the Latin meaning unarmed, alluding to the animal’s lack of antlers. It is worth noting that both male and female adults have protruberant upper canines, which look rather menacing despite the animals rather “Teddy Bear” facial features leading to it being referred to as as a Vampire Deer in some camps. The canines in the two females I espied today were not particularly prominent.

Normally Norfolk

We do like to be beside the seaside, especially the North Norfolk seaside. We took the opportunity for a couple of days of long walks there. Sad that our pooch is no longer with us, but it meant we managed almost 20 miles of tramping over two days.

Hopping Oystercatcher, Snettisham
…and, taking flight
Sanderlings snuggling on Snettisham beach
…and also taking flight
Turnstone having a plodge in between stone-turning sessions
Backlit Curlew in flight near Heacham, Norfolk
One of dozens of Brent Geese over Heacham
Tucked-up Teal
Titchwell Dunlin
Grey Plover, RSPB Titchwell
Little Grebe, RSPB Titchwell
Pintail, RSPB Titchwell
A coupla Curlew
Red Kite with carrion evading Marsh Harrier
Shelduck, RSPB Titchwell
Wild Ken Hill
Holkham
Lady Anne Drive, Holkham

We did attempt to spot the juvenile White-tailed (Sea) Eagle that is jaunting between Cley and Stiffkey at the moment. It is a released bird from the Isle of Wight reintroduction scheme.

Glossy Ibis in the Fens

Regular readers will know I’ve mentioned the Glossy Ibises that have seemingly taken up residence on our patch during the last year or more. There were three on the flooded farmland adjacent to Earith roundabout for a long time last winter. These are African/Mediterranean birds that seem to be spreading their wings more and more (see also Great White Egret, Little Egret, Cattle Egret). The Glossies we’re seeing here may well be hopping across from a breeding colony in Southern Spain, while the GWEs may be feeding on red crayfish in the lakes of northern France and then hopping across The Channel.

Anyway, there are now seven Glossies feeding and preening at RSPB Berry Fen just up the road from Earith. Happily, they were “showing well” from the footpaths in the sunshine today.

A pair successfully bred in Cambridgeshire in 2022 raising a single chick. This was a first for Britain and is almost an open secret among the local birders. Sadly, as far as I know, they didn’t breed in 2023 nor 2024.

North Norfolk New Year

TL:DR – Diary item from New Year trip to North Norfolk in 2022.

Mrs Sciencebase and myself often run away to the north Norfolk coast, originally it was just the quickest route to the beach for us, but then we started looking out for aves and this part of the country is so rich in birdlife you can’t help but visit again and again. On our short trip to Morston Quay between Xmas and New Year, we “ticked” more than 60 bird species, not counting the dozen or so extras on Blakeney Duck Pond. Here are a few scenic shots and some of the birds.

Morston Quay
On the way to Blakeney
Morston Quay
Morston Quay at dawn
Morston Quay
Wells-next-the-Sea
Morston Quay
Morston Quay at dusk
Morston Quay
Male Pintail, Blakeney Duck Pond
Female Goldeneye, Blakeney Duck Pond
Barnacle Goose, Blakeney Duck Pond
Cormorants, Blakeney
Male Goldeneye, Blakeney Duck Pond
One of 100 or so Curlew we saw, this one in Blakeney
Male Goldeneye, Blakeney Duck Pond
Grey Seal, Wells-next-the-Sea
70+ Snow Buntings, Holkham Gap (not all of them pictured!)
One of four Shore Larks at Holkham Gap, first time we’ve seen this species
1000s of Pink-footed Geese over Morston Quay (not all of them pictured!)

1. Bar-tailed Godwit
2. Barn Owl
3. Black-headed Gull
4. Black-tailed Godwit
5. Blackbird
6. Black Brant Goose
7. Blue Tit
8. Brent Goose
9. Buzzard
10. Canada Goose
11. Cetti’s Warbler (call)
12. Collared Dove
13. Common Gull
14. Coot
15. Cormorant
16. Curlew
17. Dunlin
18. Dunnock
19. Goldcrest (call)
20. Great Black-backed Gull
21. Great Tit
22. Greylag Goose
23. Herring Gull
24. House Sparrow
25. Jackdaw
26. Kestrel
27. Knot
28. Lapwing
29. Linnet
30. Little Egret
31. Little Grebe
32. Long-tailed Tit
33. Magpie
34. Mallard
35. Marsh Harrier
36. Meadow Pipit
37. Mute Swan
38. Oystercatcher
39. Pheasant
40. Pied Wagtail
41. Pink-footed Goose
42. Red Kite
43. Red-throated Diver
44. Redshank
45. Reed Bunting (call)
46. Robin
47. Sanderling
48. Shelduck
49. Shorelark
50. Shoveler
51. Skylark
52. Snow Bunting
53. Sparrowhawk
54. Starling
55. Teal
56. Tufted Duck
57. Water Pipit
58. Whooper Swan
59. Wigeon
60. Wood Pigeon
61. Wren

My Natural Highlights of 2021

I’m writing this Natural Highlights article retrospectively. My Mam died in September 2021 after a series of horrible health problems. I didn’t feel like highlighting anything at the end of that year. So, scanning back through my photo archive for that year, there were some. They’re not all recorded below.

January – Whooper and Bewick’s, Cottenham in numbers.

February – Pintail, Earith.

April – Bearded Reedling Ouse Fen (Over); Nuthatch in the churchyard of All Saints in Cottenham. Rubbish photo did really well on Insta, oddly; Spoonbill at Wells-next-Sea.

May – Barn Owl, Cottenham; Temminck’s Stint etc, Smithy Fen; Turtle Dove, Church Lane; Lots of birds at Titchwell, as ever.

June – Peregrine Falcon, Ely Cathedral.

July – Marsh Tit, Waresley Wood; Great sightings of Purple Emperor at Woodwalton and at Gamlingay (the flyover year, if I remember rightly).

September – Pied Flycatcher and Spotted Flycatcher in Cottenham. Whinchat at RSPB Ouse Fen.

October – Goldcrest in Rampton.

November – Glossy Ibis, Chesterton; Spoonbill at Kingfisher Bridge;  Nuthatch and Siskin etc at Lackford Lakes. Observed bird ringing there too.

December – Rosie’s last holiday (north Norfolk, staying in Morston Quay – Snow Bunting, Shorelark, Pink-footed Goose, Red-throated Diver, seals,

A few natural highlights from another year of trying to get a perfect wildlife snap! You can find the photos I took of these highlights littered around the Sciencebase website, in my Imaging Storm galleries, on my Instagram and Mastodon.